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HOLYCRAPAWESOME.
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HOLYCRAPAWESOME.
9:33 PM
"This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body." Thanks to Jenny for the reminder.
3:49 PM 1. Napping. 2. Playing with the hounds -- or, more specifically, tossing Tania's favorite toy, Mrs. Pigglesworth, down the hall. Repeatedly. 3. Watching Housemate Dave try to fix the clutch cable on his Vespa, arguing that drastic measures must be taken, and being shocked/awed when Bud suddenly solves the problem on his own. 4. More napping. 5. Getting a jump on next week's writing. (Car blogging, like math, can be hard.) 6. Hammering out some new entries for the VERY NSFW Lurid Digs. (Apparently, the Usenet is awash in terrifying images of homosexual tablescapes.) 7. Catching up on a book project that I'm working on with friends. (More on that later.) 8. So, basically, a lot of writing. 9. Helping a friend find a job. (More on that later, too. You may be able to help: he's smart and cute!) 10. Fixing a runny toilet. Or maybe Bud can do that, too. 11. Calling mom, dad, and bio-mom. Take a picture: I hate talking on the phone. 12. Straightening the house for Southern Decadence houseguests next weekend. 13. Eating too much. 14. Setting up a party thrown by my Carnival krewe. 15. Finding a costume to wear to said party. (We're gay, it's New Orleans, it's a costume party.) 16. Finding something in the vein of finger food to bring to said party. 17. Attending the party in question. 18. Drinking my weight in beer at the party. 19. Passing out. (Hopefully not at the party 20. NOT EULOGIZING ANY PARTICULAR METEOROLOGICAL EVENT OR ANY ELECTED OFFICIAL. (Unless a certain mayor happens to meet his demise today. In which case, I might eulogize a little. And by "eulogize" I mean "slurp down body shots from the 12 cheapest strippers I can find on Bourbon Street.")
11:40 AM
 It's that time of year again: the day before the anniversary we'd all like to forget. Technically, today's the day that Jonno and I fled, just after midnight, in a hand-me-down SUV stuffed with dogs and luggage and, for some reason, my Xbox. None of us were really in our right minds. But I think I've written plenty about all that. At least for now. Maybe the fifth anniversary will bring a willingness to look back in apathy. Today I need to mention something else -- something else that happened during the week that Everything Changed. At the end of August 2005, I was reading a book entitled The Last Three minutes, which was, appropriately enough, a story of annihilation. Specifically, it was a scientific treatise about the end of the universe and what that might look like. And lodged somewhere in all that dense text were these two pretty glorious sentences: Life-giving carbon and oxygen, the gold in our banks, the lead sheeting on our roofs, the uranium rods of our nuclear reactors--all owe their terrestrial presence to the death throes of stars that vanished well before our sun existed. It is an arresting thought that the very stuff of our bodies is composed of the nuclear ash of long-dead stars. In point of fact, I'd heard that all before August 2005, but never stated quite so eloquently, and it gave me pause. How much awful poetry have such facts generated? How many authors have swooned at the thought that humanity is nothing but stardust? (Answer: many.) And then I went one step further: I asked you people to stun me with star-inspired dreck. Of course, I offered some compensation to the winner -- I believe there were promises of well-worn jockstraps and second-hand ashtrays, but it's all a little fuzzy now. Anyway, for obvious reasons, I never got around to picking a winner. But I've been meaning to post my four favorite submissions for lo these four years. And here they are. If you wrote one of 'em, drop me a line. My jockstrap offer still stands, although you're welcome to suggest another gift -- a curling iron (I have no use for such things), Fleshbot swag (it still arrives now and then), a handshake. I won't be offended. * * * * *
* * * * * Judy flung open Stacy's garden gate with an exuberance she'd not felt in months. With chest a'heave Judy looked down at the crouched and sweating Stacy. Stacy wiped away the moisture from her brow with the back of her gloved hand, looked up at Judy and sweetly gasped "what"?. * * * * Poem engraved on a photograph frame, decorated with figurine of young girl in nightdress, kneeling while gazing out a window and looking at a star, with hands clasped in prayer. Frame holds wedding photo. * * * * * Coda: Re-thinking extinction, catastrophe, quietus
7:00 AM
Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA The next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
2:59 PM
11:24 AM
6:51 AM I would like to believe that at some point, I knew Steven Seagal was a deputy with the Jefferson Parish sheriff's department. Then again, the left side of my brain has been pretty kind these days, allowing me to forget all sorts of wonderful things: [via BlogOfNewOrleans] Side note on the subject of my forgetfulness: I am happy to report that I have to visit IMDB every time I want to spell Steven Seagal's last name properly. Which has been, like, twice, but still. Side note on Steven Seagal's impossible-to-remember spelling of "Seagal": at least it proves once and for all that he is no relation to actress extraordinaire Katey Sagal -- who also insists on a funked-up family name, but I can forgive her. I will always forgive her.
11:56 AM I've posted this Francesco Vezzoli piece several times before, but the YouTube clips keep getting taken down. Thankfully, someone got smart and uploaded the full video to Veoh -- which is great because really, what copyright-happy artist would bother checking Veoh? Anyway, this version has Benicio del Toro (or however he spells his name) and also Gerard Butler, who seems to be everywhere these days except my boudoir. I'd blame Jennifer Anniston, but I already blame her for so many things.
2:36 PM This is la Montag's performance from last weekend's Miss Universe pageant: I expected it might be cheesy. I was not disappointed. I expected it might be appalling. Oh, and it was. I did not know what to expect with regard to Heidi's dancing skills, but I wasn't surprised: Auto-Tune can do a lot of things for crappy voices, but it can't fix two left feet. Luckily girlfriend was lip-synching and her mike was off; otherwise, we might've heard "One, two, step, three-and-four" whispered over the P.A. as she did her allegedly sexy dance. I hope Christopher Guest was watching, 'cause she was totally infringing on his Waiting for Guffman choreography. Here's what I did not expect: full bastardization of the opening riff from Yaz's "Situation", which is easily one of the best songs of my youth. You'll pay for this, Montag.
5:47 AM
4:00 PM
Because being taken to school on a Sunday is always better than being taken to Sunday school. Werque.
9:24 AM
 [via SocialiteLife] So: A) After viewing that pic at original size, I think we all know what to get Latoya for Christmas (or whatever wintry holiday people celebrate on her planet): the Cuchini. Also: a new seamstress. B) Did I miss the episode of Shark Tank (aka Dragon's Den) in which the Cuchini's creators made their investor pitch? 'Cause that sounds like TV gold.
8:59 AM
Louisiana will waive sales taxes on purchases of firearms, ammunition and hunting supplies Friday, Sept. 4 through Sunday, Sept. 6. The so-called "Louisiana Second Amendment Weekend Sales Tax Holiday" was authorized by the state Legislature and will become an annual event.
8:56 AM
 Yes, I believe you know the posterboy. I can't believe he posed for it either, but I'm very glad he did. Not to brag or shower him with accolades or anything, but, uh, YOWZA. Right? Anyway, it's going to be a great party. AND my friend Paul (aka Christeene) is going to be there cranking out a few numbers like that, yo. Filthy awesome.
6:46 AM I wish I had a photographer's eye or a highly developed visual aesthetic. But the fact of the matter is, I'm not a visual thinker. I've never been especially good with arranging things or making pretty pictures. I'm even lousy at puzzles. And let's not even talk about swagging drapes. Yes, I do a fair amount of graphic and web design, and I'm happy with most of that work, but I wouldn't call it groundbreaking. Functional and generally clean, yes, but groundbreaking? Nein, fraulein. Which is to say, I have nothing but appreciation for those who know what they're doing behind a camera, like the boyfriend, or like Mr. Kwong here. Of course, Louis' job may have been made a little easier by his subject matter -- I mean, the guy starts out ahead, right?  Waiting for the Train Originally uploaded by Louis Kwong Jr.  La Sagrada Familia and David Originally uploaded by Louis Kwong Jr.  Star Wars Inspired 1 Originally uploaded by Louis Kwong Jr.
5:30 AM I knew that Ray Nagin had announced a deal with Nickelodeon to redevelop the Six Flags theme park that's lain abandoned in New Orleans East since Hurricane Katrina rolled through nearly four years ago. What I did not know was that there'd been a photo op at the announcement:  I can only presume that by this time next year, C. Ray will be comfortably ensconced under the sea, living in an upside-down pineapple with his new paramour. Or possibly alone, ensconced in some very heavy footwear. Either way. [WWL]
11:54 AM
9:43 PM Half of me thinks this is crazy. Another half of me thinks it's nice that someone's envisioned New Orleans' architectural landscape in a wacko, high-on-life, rich-from-petroleum, bring-in-the-Bangladeshi-slave-girls kind of way. And a third, nonexistent half of me thinks that the residents of One River Place are probably already pissed that someone bothered to imagine this Tron-style tenement: Rebuilding New Orleans is an ongoing effort and pitching into the concept-zone is the New Orleans Arcology Habitat or NOAH. Since the details on this structure are in-depth and plenty, lets plunge into them right away. NOAH proposes to be a habitat for 40,000 residents who can benefit from the planned residential units, school system, commercial, retail, hotels, casinos, parking, and public works facilities. Oh: and it goes on.
11:13 AM So, it's come to this:  I mean, maybe it came to this a long time ago, and I just wasn't paying attention. (If so, I am paying attention now. No need to rub it in.) Still, I have to wonder if Elton sees it. He's got eyes, of course, but when people don't plan to become Sebastian Venable, what does it take to convince them that they have?
10:31 PM No, that title isn't more random word associations. It's a real vagina bike taxi. I mean, duh:  [Momlogic via JV]
12:57 PM Seriously, you need to see that full-size:  [via CTRL+W33D]
9:21 PM
8:50 PM I asked for an explanation of this photo of Adam Lambert:  Constant Reader Jerome was kind enough to provide it: Adam Lambert was making a special appearance at the Cass County, Iowa county fair, in-between the flower-arranging competition and the hog-calling contest. Then, again, perhaps he wasn't really scheduled to perform; he might've just been late for one event or early for the other.
10:54 AM
Directed by Eric Wareheim (Tim & Eric) in association with Warp Records and Warp Films. The track is 'Parisian Goldfish' by Flying Lotus, from the album Los Angeles. [via DanceFloorDale via Mitch]
1:41 PM
11:35 AM I admit it: I'm biased. Dorian Rush and I have been friends for iforgethowlong. At least ten years, and we've worked together for nine of them. She's the only actor to have appeared in every one of our shows, and she is undeniably brilliant. She can play serious, she can play comic, she can play a sublime concoction of the two, and, yes, she can sing like nobody's business. Lord, yes she can. Now, Dorian has done a Janis Joplin show before. A couple of years before the storm, she did a musical tribute thingamajig -- sort of a cabaret in which Dorian (as Dorian) performed some of Joplin's best-known songs. It was a great performance, mostly because Dorian can nail that sound, that gritty rock/blues sound, like no one I know. However, the story of Janis herself didn't really engage me -- but then, I'm not a Joplin fan. So when Dorian said she wanted to do a similar show, I thought, "Well, that's good. at least it'll draw the Joplin devotees." But then she said she intended to personify Janis, tell the story from Janis' perspective, and she sent me a script. Two pages in, and I was hooked. Somehow, she'd managed to pull me in to a story that I was predisposed to hate, or at least not care about. I knew then that something was up. I was meant to see a rehearsal, but the night I dropped by the theatre, it took her musicians a while to set up, so by the time they were ready to roll, I had to leave. I saw it cold Friday night, last night -- opening night. It was brilliant. It was FUCKING brilliant. It was omigod hold freaking crap where the hell did this come from, how did she get in that woman's head, how did she build that story, and oh, that voice BRILLIANT. I had zero to do with it, but I am so, so, so very proud. If you have the chance: I'm not kidding, drop whatever the hell you're doing and go see the show. It's one weekend only, tonight and tomorrow, that's it. Click here for ticket info and such. You will be very, very, very glad you did.  P.S. This is not a paid advertisement. I have nada to gain from this. Dorian put all this together on her own. It's just that goddamn good.
12:29 PM
7:32 AM Statements of fact: 1. This may be the worst painting I've ever seen. Or the best:  2. This may be the worst video I've ever seen. Or the best: 3. This is most definitely the best news I've had all day:
4. The fact that the genocide in Darfur continues is undeniably bad. The fact that people around the world (can) have a better understanding of it is undeniably good. 5. The fact that rape continues to be used in the service of terrorism in the Congo is bad. The fact that some men have been put through the same physical and emotional torture as hundreds of thousands of women is bad. The fact that someone is paying attention (now that men are the target of rapists, apparently), is...well, not good, but something just shy of good. 6. The fact that Sam -- the koala that made me and many others happy back in February -- has passed away, is very bad news, indeed. 
12:49 PM Ordinarily, I give Weird Al a very wide berth. However, since he's penned an ode to my personal gay patron saint...
7:15 AM
5:39 PM Some won't be into this. Some may find it offensive. But for others, this is like a big ol' box of onion tams:  Duff Goldman, professional cakeboy
1:58 PM
6:37 AM
 Just a quick shot to prove that (a) I'm still alive, and (b) so are the hounds -- even though they've been under my sole supervision for nearly two weeks. Miraculous, I know.
6:06 AM
 Despite everything that's going on to the left, my gaze keeps drifting to the right. Lord Gaga, I salute you.
8:15 AM
  The DoggieLoverDoll:
Added bonus: its silicone vagina contains an "easy to clean reservoir". [via BoingBoing]
7:50 AM Question: What sort of person leaves her dog -- a large and thick-haired one at that -- in the back seat of a Pontiac Vibe on a sunny August afternoon in New Orleans while she roams the aisles of an over-air-conditioned Office Depot? A) Leona Helmsley B) Cruella DeVille C) Paris Hilton D) Michael Vick's mother E) A veterinary acupuncturist  Personally I'd lean toward "C", but I'm awful at these things.
4:39 PM Excuse me, comrade? Mister garage person? Please to tell me what goes on in photo here? I am stranger to your country and do not understand how the making of pizzas or possibly Wallendas who are flying should be married to the industry of automotive repairment:  [Note: I've blurred the naughty bits in deference to sensitive types. The original is over here and is NSFW. Duh.]
4:17 PM
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